It is that time of the year when we wrap up one set of lived days, nights, weeks, and months, and trade them in for a whole new set. In preparation for the coming new year, we excitedly make resolutions – such as losing weight, exercising more, being more intentional or finding love.

Resolutions begin promptly at 12:01 of the new year and continue the month of January. But by February, the momentum is gone. Our resolve fades into the fabric of everyday life and has lost its’ glow. We become filled with regret, get back on the horse and give it our last-ditch effort. Then as April showers bring up the buds of summer flowers, we pick up the dusty running shoes and gym bag we tossed in the corner way back when and smell the contents. What does it smell like? Stale resolutions. Forgotten hopes and dreams. Wishful thinking. A bag full of moldy regrets.

We do this every year, never learning the lesson.

Researchers say that only 9 to 12 percent of people who make new year resolutions are successful. I suggest taking a closer look at the past 360something days and doing some homework.

When I look back over 2022, the dominant theme of my life was family. I began 2022 slowly, and with trepidation, to reacquaint myself with the world that I had shut myself away from since the 2020 covid shutdown. When I mentioned that I had trepidation, I had it bad! I have more patronized my favorite shopping places ten times. Not ten times each. Just ten visits total. I joined my husband and family on maybe three restaurant excursions. Total. I have gone to the movies three times this year.

If I had it my way, I would have been content with never going out in public spaces again. At least not until covid has been eradicated. What pushed me beyond my comfort level? Family.

I was missing out on a lot of family time by keeping myself sheltered in place. Thus the look of sadness in my husband’s eyes when he would suggest we engage in some activity that we had enjoyed together as a couple, and I would turn him down. Or the shadow that would cross my children’s faces when they would plan an evening out for dinner, and I would tell them to bring me something back.

I soon realized that my fears were getting in the way of spending quality time with them.

So, I made a concerted effort to get back out in the world, one shopping trip at a time. My husband planned a getaway for the two of us over the summer –and I loved it! I realized how much I missed being active, and how much I missed spending time with him. Even though I never left the house without a stash of masks in my handbag or in the car, always protected, I wanted and needed to do “couple” things with my husband again. My family needed their matriarch to make it whole. I concluded that my fears had birthed a type of selfishness in me and that was unfair to my husband and my children.

As I was learning this lesson, we received news in late July that my mother-in-law, Francois Foster, was terminally ill with cancer. Within days she was gone. The heartbreak and grief that overtook my family was unbearable. My husband had lost his only living parent. His Mom. The way that our unit pulled together to comfort my husband and to grieve this huge loss was wonderful to witness and be a part of. The strength of family love is nothing to laugh about or belittle.

That same strength and love would steady us as we received more bad news two months later: My husband Gene was diagnosed with HER 2 Invasive Breast Cancer. Stage 3. What a blow to us. Here we were grieving the loss of our mother/grandmother, and now our greatest challenge was in front of us. We will meet this challenge together as a family because at the end of the day, family is everything.

So as I look back on 2022, I see a series of lessons that I tackled and learned. They prepared me for whatever 2023 will bring. Instead of going into the new year with resolutions, I am entering it with the mindset of blocks. Lego blocks. Each lesson I have learned, I plan to build upon and expand on. The lessons of 2022 – family unitedness and letting go of fear – will carry me into 2023, and I will build upon that year with the lessons I am bound to learn.

What lessons did you learn this year? Make it your mission to carry those Lego blocks with you into 2023. Every day you are given the grace to live, find the lesson in the lining of life. Learn it, live it and build on it. Let that be your resolve. Your life intention. Learn the lesson.