Dear Dr. Monique,
I have been dating two men (we are all divorced) and neither of them knows about it. None of us wants a full-time commitment but I’m now feeling a bit “dirty” going back and forth. I love the attention and quite frankly feel I deserve it. Is this morally wrong seeing that none of us wants a committed relationship? I’m feeling on the fence.
On the Fence
Dear On the Fence,
Whether your actions are morally wrong may be debatable since neither man wants a full-time commitment. However the real issue is that you are uncomfortable with the situation and that makes it wrong for you. As such, I would say that honesty is the best policy. You can start by exploring whether they are dating other people as well and then lead into your choice to date other people. Yes it is possible that this may lead to a change in the relationships. However I suspect your clear conscience will bring you peace of mind.
——————————
Dear Dr. Monique,
My gay partner wants us to leave Florida to get married and cohabitate in another state where we can be ourselves and be accepted more easily. That would mean I have to study and re sit for the bar exam and rebuild my law practice all over again. He was recently laid off and wants a fresh start as well. We love each other deeply but at 45 years old it’s a tall order. What to do?
Move for Love
Dear Move for Love,
It is certainly understandable why your partner desires a fresh start but on the other hand your concerns are valid. However tough choices and sacrifices are often a part of long term committed relationships. Perhaps one compromise is that you plan a reasonable time line for the move. This time can give you a chance to prepare and hopefully successfully complete the bar exam and allow yourself and your partner time to find new employment. Another compromise is that you could allow him to move first and you could commute until you have secured your job situation in the other state. Whatever you choose, be sure to keep the lines of communication between you and your partner open so that you can both determine the best solution.
—————————–
Dear Dr. Monique,
My husband has been incarcerated for the last nine years and is about to be released. During this time, I took care of the home, worked and went to paralegal school while my mother helped with our two young children. I now feel I don’t need my husband and frankly I’m still mad at what he has done to our family. As soon as he’s out I’m ready to tell him to go and make a life of his own but my friends think I’m being a little harsh so soon. It’s been nine years for me. What do you think doctor?
Ready to Go
Dear Ready to Go,
Part of the responsibility in marriage is commitment despite tough circumstances. An important ingredient in helping couples to honor that commitment is the ability to forgive. Try to forgive your husband for his mistake and allow him the opportunity to whether if he has learned from it. This of course does not guarantee that you will want to stay in the marriage but it will give him some support that I am sure he will desperately need at this time.
Dr. Monique is an award-winning graduate of Harvard Medical School, who completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington DC. She has years of experience in counseling and discussing relationship issues. Ask her your questions at drmonique@sfltimes.com
No Comment