Relationships Ask Dr. Monique

Dear Dr Monique,
My ex-husband and I started seeing each other again and he proposed recently. Maybe I’m answering my own question even writing to you, but I trust you can help me see another point of view. My ex and I were married for 16 years. He left me before because I couldn’t have children. He broke my heart. I really love him and I think he loves me as well. He seems committed again regardless of our past. We are even speaking of adopting. Should I take the chance? – Second Chance

People sometimes make decisions that they regret with regard to relationships. Some may have a second chance and others are not so lucky.  It seems to me that your ex recognized his mistake and if you are willing he may get his second chance.  Don’t rush into marriage with your ex but take the time to get to know him again. Ensure that you thoroughly discuss and resolve the issues that tore you apart in the first place.  Then at the end of the day, trust your instincts. Life and love often involve risk but sometimes without the big risk, there is no big win.

Dear Dr. Monique,
This is the third time my husband has handed me back his wedding ring in anger. I know he has a bad temper and overreacts when we fight but I’m beginning to worry it’s a sign of something. I have asked him why he keeps doing it and he always apologizes. Am I looking too deep into actions?
Worried Wife

Dear Worried Wife,
I fully agree that his behavior requires further examination. Discuss his actions with him when you are both in a calm mood. If that discussion does not lead to a satisfactory explanation, consider couples counseling. Sometimes ignoring issues such as these could lead to an adverse effect on your marriage.

Dear Dr. Monique,
How do I go about dating a man 10 years my junior and continue to feel young and sexy for him?
Sexy Older Woman

Dear Sexy Older Woman,
I believe that the better you feel on the inside the more it will show on the outside. Nurture those attributes that build your inner confidence and bring out your inner sexy. In addition do things that show that you value your body by exercising regularly, maintaining a healthy weight and eating a healthy diet. Present yourself in ways that show the best you.  At the end of the day hopefully you will develop into someone that not only pleases your younger boyfriend but more importantly, pleases yourself.

Dear Dr. Monique,
I am a 44-year-old woman and I met a 65-year-old man who was widowed one month ago. He says I look like his deceased wife and he wants to marry me. What do you suggest?
Look-a-Like

Dear Look-a-Like
Every woman deserves to be valued for who they are and not who they remind someone of. Unless you want to be a stand-in for his late wife I suggest that you keep this gentleman at arm’s length until he properly grieves for his wife or you realize that you are no one’s substitute.

Dear Dr. Monique,
My girlfriend was diagnosed with manic depressive disorder. She is constantly depressed and sometimes I wonder if she’s bipolar as well. I’m not in love anymore and wonder if I leave will she hurt herself. I can be a better friend than a boyfriend but it could be a big risk. Thoughts doctor?
Better Friend than Boyfriend

Dear Better Friend than Boyfriend,
I am sorry that your feelings for your girlfriend have faded at this particularly vulnerable time in her life.  That being said I don’t believe you should remain in this relationship to which you no longer are emotionally committed and I appreciate your concern for her wellbeing. However in a situation such as this I suggest personal and couples counseling if possible. You could start by talking with her mental health providers to get professional advice on how best to approach the situation. Also make every effort to harness her other support systems such as family and friends prior to taking any action. 

Dear Dr. Monique,
My husband gave me a sexually transmitted disease and he claims he must’ve had it before we got together, but it’s been three years total since we’ve been intimate. Can he have had it for that long and it just manifesting itself? I don’t trust him and don’t know what to believe. Help.
Doubtful Wife

Dear Doubtful Wife,
Unfortunately there are a number of sexually transmitted infections that your spouse could have contracted before marriage even without his knowledge. He in turn could unwittingly transfer them to you.  So this situation does not give you enough information to make any conclusions about whether or not your spouse has been faithful. However, trust is an important part of marriage and perhaps you could delve deeper into why you lack trust in your husband. Then consider having an open and honest discussion with him about how that trust can be rebuilt.

Dr. Monique, an award-winning graduate of Harvard Medical School, completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington DC. She has years of experience in counseling and discussing relationship issues. Ask her your questions at drmonique@sfltimes.com