Dear Dr. Monique, I have been really suspicious of my Dad’s behavior since my Mom started working at nights. I checked his phone and found compromising messages. Should I tell my Mom, confront him or get both of them together? – Stuck in the middle daughter.
Dear Stuck in the middle daughter,
Your parents just like yourself need respect for their privacy so I would discourage you from checking either of your parents’ phones, emails, etc. As far as your current situation, I suggest that you discuss what you have found with your father, give him the opportunity to share his side and allow him to have any discussion as he sees fit with your mother. I think they both would appreciate your unconditional love.
Dear Dr. Monique, I am really sick and tired of my fiancé never admitting when he’s wrong. We have been together for five years and I would not be lying if I said I have ever heard the words “I am sorry!” I need a man who can be man enough to admit his shortcomings but it maybe is too late. How can I get him to say sorry? –Unapologetic Fiancée
Dear Unapologetic Fiancée,
You have mentioned that you have been with your fiancé for five years and I trust that you have stayed in the relationship because the positives outweigh the negatives. This particular shortcoming of his, however, appears to affect you greatly. The sad reality is that there is a good chance that you may not be able to get him to say sorry. Even if you do succeed on an occasion or two, it is likely that he will revert to his usual ways. That leaves you two options to carefully consider. Can you accept this man for who he is and overlook his inability to apologize, or do you find this behavior intolerable? Your answer will determine the future of your relationship.
Dear Dr. Monique, I am a 38-year-old woman who started dating a guy from my church who has three kids. We are keen on each other but he doesn’t want kids. I have a daughter already but would like one more child. Should I even bother entertaining the relationship or continue with the hopes of changing his mind? –Loves Children
Dear Loves Children,
It seems to me that this man will be giving you children, three more to be exact. I think you need to consider your thoughts and feelings towards becoming the “step” mother of these three children. After you have answered this question for yourself then you can move on to decide whether you want to have what would amount to five children. If you still strongly desire another biological child and you do not think he is worth your changing your mind, it may be best to end the relationship. Because while it is possible that he may change his mind, it may be more practical to base your decision on the possibility that he may not.
Dear Dr. Monique, My husband is suddenly moody and can’t get him to say what’s wrong. We always had good communication so I’m not sure why he’s acting like this. How do I get him to spill the beans? –Worried Wife.
Dear Worried Wife, I understand your concern given your husband’s change in behavior. However since he does not appear to be ready to talk I think that patience will be required on your part. I suggest that you be as supportive and available for him as possible and pay attention to his nonverbal cues. Hopefully this strong non-judgmental support will give him the comfort he needs to discuss whatever he needs to share with you.
Dear Dr. Monique, I am in love with my hot girlfriend but I can’t seem to stop flirting with women. I do it all the time whether I’m in line at the post office or out drinking with my buddies. I am harmless but my sister says it’s unhealthy. How can I stop? – Harmless Flirt.
Dear Harmless Flirt,
I doubt that this love of flirting is any secret to your girlfriend. Perhaps you could elicit her honest opinion on what she feels about your behavior and if she desires you to change. If it is truly harmless she may not find it as unacceptable as your sister. However like any addiction or compulsion, some moderation may be in order and if you find that you are unable to curtail your behavior on your own, some professional counseling may be helpful.
Dear Dr. Monique, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who came into town to visit his family. My current boyfriend happened to be out of town so instead of being bored at home I went out with my ex. I had one too many drinks and ended up having sex. Now I’m feeling very guilty. Should I even bother to tell my boyfriend or get over it- Cheating Girlfriend
Dear Cheating Girlfriend,
Perhaps you should look deeper into your need to have drinks with your ex when you are in a committed relationship. If you are fundamentally dissatisfied with your relationship, telling your boyfriend that you cheated is only the tip of the iceberg. Be honest with yourself and honest with your boyfriend so that you can both make the best decision about the future of your relationship.
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